We Suck At Firing Politicians

There are some major problems with political parties in Canada. Most of these problems arise because it is nearly impossible to fire people. Firing people is important to the vitality of any organization. Just as death is important to the animal kingdom, an effective group must be able to say "YOU'RE FIRED!"

In the public service, less than 1% of all federal employees in any given year are fired. This is astronomically higher than the rate for political staffers and candidates. Politicians never ever get fired, except by the voters. This is a problem.

Consider our Liberal friend Scott Reid. He was the communications guy for Paul Martin; it was his job to make Martin look good. He was responsible for helping Martin's image and getting good press and earned media. Recall, however, that instead of making Martin more popular, he started a scandal by insulting the electorate with his "beer and popcorn" remark.

Here is a situation where clearly someone at the highest level shit the bed. I'm sure he's a great guy and everything; I know he worked hard for Martin for years. I hear his new firm is top rate. But can we agree that this example proves that nobody ever gets fired?

Or take Rob Anders. Good speaker. Friendly. Good retail politician. Young guy - very entertaining. I met him at LU, and we got along very pleasantly. But the guy called Nelson Mandela a terrorist and wore a "Free Tibet" t-shirt to a meeting with Chinese dignitaries and criticized "Crack-whores" in front of a university class and blamed native reserves for running AK-47's into Canada. Surely, if it could be done, he would have been fired. Like, in the real world, he'd be fired.

If I go into work tomorrow (which I will) and I rant about "crack-whores" (which I won't) I'd be fired. I'd expect to be fired. I'd quit right away so they wouldn't even have a chance to fire me. I'd be gone SOOOOO quick. Anders, I suspect, will have a long career in Parliament ahead of him.

What political parties need is a more effective way to fire their buffoons. If we expect to be taken seriously as partisans, we have to cut the fat more than a little. People who do silly things that should get them fired in the real world should get fired from politics: not just shuffled out of cabinet - not just muzzled. If you defend the use of the word "nigger" or if you accept donations from toddlers, then perhaps you don't respect your Party the way you respect, say, your bank. The bank would can your ass.

Knowing that this drastic change to the party structure of our country will not result from my humble blog post, I have arrived at a creative and achievable solution. His name is Jason Cherniak. Cherniak is the solution.

Cherniak is a wonderful tool to oust a sitting MP at his/her nomination? Why? Lots of reasons. Let's make a list.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY JASON CHERNIAK WILL WIN HIS LIBERAL NOMINATION AND DEFEAT A PARTY BUFFOON:

1. Everyone knows who he is. Name recognition is key.

2. His website is better than the website of any MP. The Internet has grown up, no?

3. He's highly mobile. He's a bachelor with a law degree. He can move easily, allowing him to target Party Buffoons with great dexterity.

4. He's a young, media literate, enthusiastic dude. He'll attract a new train of members who normally would never consider joining a Party. Politics needs more young people, no?

5. He'll attract top level organizers. Everyone who's pissed at the Member who is embarrassing the whole party will flock to him. National support will muster under his nomination campaign.

6. Kinsella would talk about him.

7. Long time Party soldier. Respect in the trenches.

8. With the network of support he has on the Internet, he could go around the media to get his message out. He has a huge communications advantage.

9. He's a nice guy who doesn't use the word "nigger." or "crack-whore." The buffoon he's running against does.

10. Jason would fire me from his team if I called all the voters irresponsible idiots.

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My hope is that Parties will get better at canning people. Then maybe we'll be more popular than repo guys. Failing in that, organizers like me are going to push winnable candidates like Cherniak to run against the black sheep of the Party.

Political parties are less popular than they ever have been. If we don't pull up our socks and take ourselves more seriously, the future of the system itself is in jeopardy.